


The life of a stepping stone

by UninterestingAppleCider



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Hajime tries to help, Hurt/Comfort, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suffering Komaeda Nagito, Suicidal Thoughts, but it helps him so eh, he ends up confessing like an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninterestingAppleCider/pseuds/UninterestingAppleCider
Summary: komaeda was never bothered by anyone, really.everyone just ignored him, and he accepted that as fact.well, until someone called 'hajime hinata' showed up.—
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 1
Kudos: 137





	The life of a stepping stone

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! this is mostly self indulgent haha,, vent fic perhaps?? not really but.. it's mostly about Nagito's struggle to see himself as anything more than a tool, so the Komahina is at the end.. sorry, I'll probably do something more special for them

Komaeda always found it hard to make friends. 

Every time he tried to do so everyone would be creeped out by him. He never managed to make a connection that would last, his fosters moving him from house to house because he was just 'too tough to handle'.

He couldn't even remember his real parents. They were all just a blur, and the earliest memories he had of them were their bloodied up corpses and the wreck that was the airplane.

The stuff that he did to calm himself down wasn't easy to handle either. He'd go on tensions, hyperfixating on something and twisting and turning the topic until it was so distorted it almost seemed like he was doing it on purpose. His constant shuffling, distraction and inability to follow in conversations made people pity him, which he despised. If they had no hope for him, how could he expect them to have any hope at all?

Komaeda despised people with no hope. No talent whatsoever. The people who spent day to day lives like there was no goal. Like nothing had to be achieved. He hated those people who could just say that a B or C is good, whilst if he didn't get anything other than an A he wouldn't even eat sometimes. Maybe that's why he was so skinny, so frail, so easy to break and bend to their will.

Maybe that's how he gathered up the idea that he was only a stepping stone. Someone to be used until they achieved their goal and then throw him in the trash afterwards, only to be picked up by someone else and repeat the cycle. His despair was always overshadowed by the hope that would blossom in his heart when people actually needed him, only to be crushed by dread and sadness when he was only being used.

So, that's probably why he was on this killing school trip, right? he would surely be the first victim, he had to be! someone will just befriend him, get close to him and then mercilessly spew his guts out on the floor, tearing into him so nobody could use him anymore and they'd get to live. His mind was always clouded with doubt- he would flinch whenever someone approached him, yelled at him, threatened him.

His only yearning was to finally find someone who didn't need him. who wouldn't care if they died the next day. who he wouldn't have to be a burden with that he could spend the rest of his days with. To be pampered, but forgotten immediately once he was six feet under. 

He didn't have a legacy to continue. He has no siblings, and he was pretty sure he liked boys. It always disgusted him whenever his stomach would flutter around them, kicking his feelings until he wouldn't feel again. He had gotten numb over the years, his heart petrified in a constant state of yearning and despair and want to be used.

When he first broke down, it was at the first trial. He was confused as to why people were blaming him. couldn't they see his body was barely holding up? how would he have even the slightest chance to kill someone like byakuga? all the eyes pointed at him made his skin crawl, and the way the boy sounded so betrayed by Komaeda's actions..

What a despairing sight! truly wonderful! Atleast now he could test their hope! if he was truly going to be voted out, it would be their fault anyways. they were blind as to ignore the obvious culprit, anyways.

Yet, they thankfully found it out. But ever since then, the cold glares he got and the way he was tagged as a 'menace' saddened him, yet gave him hope. Maybe he will finally be killed! Be useful for once and just flop over and die because of someone poisoning him! 

When he woke up, tied and left on the cold floor, he was  elated . Maybe he was finally getting murdered! It was an adrenaline rush, waiting and waiting and waiting for them to show up and beat him into a pulp. 

However, that moment didn't come. He was instead met with the friendly redhead passing him a bowl of rice. The disgusted look he had on his face probably told her something else. He actually really liked rice, yet he was disgusted at himself. He couldn't even be killed! He was tied up, bruised and frail and yet he still was breathing! It made his teeth grind in annoyance.

He fluttered his eyelashes back open when he heard the door creak open, widening his eyes at the boy stepping into the room. Komaeda was confused at their appearance- both in a figurative and a literal way. The way their eyes had sunken in and the messy hair told him they probably had a bad night.

He greeted them with a smile, which was sadly taken the wrong way from them. He just wanted to be friendly, why couldn't they see that? I mean, it's the least he could do for them. Having to even look at him must be disgusting.

The boy was surprised at their knowledge of the game. Truth be told, he only heard it through the door as he waited to be fed. He didn't really know much about it except that it was a motive. However, it was apparently the wrong topic to try and lighten up the mood with as they quickly left after that, leaving Nagito to wiggle around in a pitiful attempt to eat before disregarding it, curling up on himself and deciding he didn't deserve the food anyways.

Thankfully he was freed as to participate the second trial and honestly he doesn't think it helped his reputation at all. Afterwards, he wasn't even approached to be talked down to. He tries to be calm, to be silent, he really did. If he could see his mouth shut it would really help. But his mouth kept clambering on and on and on and on and-

He didn't realise he started crying at the restaurant. Thankfully nobody was there. Maybe he could relieve some of the tension. Yes, that would help.

He walked over to the kitchen on shaky legs and grabbed a few plates. It always helped him calm down, however he hadn't done this in a while. 

The sound of the fragile plates clanking and smashing and breaking made him feel.. normal. He never experienced rage or anger, and when he did it was these short bursts like always. Finally feeling something made him thrilled, maybe he could be more useful! Maybe he could try and pity people and they could see that he's not just a masochistic little bi-

His smashing got cut off by a loud gasp, turning his head around to notice the boy standing in the doorway. He froze up, plate still in hand, already feeling it crack under his pressure as he kept the staring contest up until the other carefully stepped around the mess around him before gently prying their plate out of their hands before looking at them with a questioning gaze.

`` I- I'm sorry, you don't have to worry about the mess, I- I'll clean it up myself.. ``

He could already feel tears starting to form in his eyes. Why was the other staring so intensely? Were they going to yell at him, smack him, kill him for being out of line?

Instead, the other just carefully placed the plate back down and took his wrists into their hands. He honestly hadn't even realised the cuts starting to soak in his sleeves, too focused with the adrenaline and the rush of it.

He shrank back in his place, trying to keep a poker face but failing as he let out a pitiful whimper, attempting to shield his face and feeling tears stream down his cheeks again, mumbling apologetically and trying to calm himself down, rubbing at his eyes in a violent manner.

`` Komae- Nagito, stop it. ``

His breath caught in his throat at the use of his first name. Nobody ever addressed to him with it, so he immediately obliged, placing his hands back to his sides and furrowing his eyebrows at them, trying to meet their eyes but failing.

`` Nagito.. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked in, I- ``

`` -NO! No, I me-mean, it's alright, I d-don't mind you being here.. ``

Komaeda tried to reassure, biting his lower lip and digging his teeth enough to draw blood, watching them stare in concern before they lunged at him, making him let out a small yell.

He really thought he was going to die. He could already feel the sharp pain in his abdomen, the way his blood pooled around him as he stuttered and whined, finally meeting death after defying it for so long-

But instead his whole body felt warm, the other enveloping him into a hug as they held him close, which confused him. What was this feeling? Why did it feel so warm? Were they trying to murder him by asphyxiation? But it feels so calming.. 

`` Just- just don't do that again, okay? you dumbass.. ``

Komaeda could've sworn he felt his heart stutter. The boy actually… cared for him? was worried about him?

No, this was just a trick to get closer, right? Nobody ever cared for him, it would only be a matter of time before they also left him. Everyone was staring in disgust at him, so why were they holding him right now?

`` Let's go to my cottage, alright? I'll bandage you up.. ``

He could only wake nod as he walked away from the scene, the other having their hand wrapped proactively around their waist as if expecting they were going to escape. They soon made it from the restaurant to the cottages, walking into theirs and sitting down onto the bed.

Komaeda began to fidget with his pants, mumbling quietly to himself in thought before looking up at them with a questioning look that said  'what now?' . They searched around before finding a first aid kit, opening it up and taking some disinfectant, grabbing their arm softly and urging it into their lap.

He hesitated, however, and pulled his arm back before it was tugged again, the other giving him a pleading look. He finally obliged, letting it rest there as they carefully cleaned the wounds which made him wince before wrapping it up, doing the same with the left arm before placing the kit back in its place, looking up at him with a focused stare before patting their thigh, urging them to lay his head on it.

Komaeda set it down after a few moments, his white hair sprawling out onto their leg and their bed as he glanced up at them, feeling a shiver crawl up his spine at their intense look before he stiffened once they brought a hand down, shielding his face again until he felt it roam around his hair, blinking in confusion and slowly letting his arms fall back down, furrowing his brows and looking up at them.

When he blinked, there was a different scene in front of him. A mix of what seemed to be a lady looming over him. He also noticed her hand was running calmly through his still brown hair, cradling him in his lap as a soft hum emitted from her, mouthing something incoherent.

When he blinked once more, he was back in the cottage, noticing he could see clearly now and watching the boy, the scene starting to come back to him as he heard their low hum.

It was the same song as his mother's.

He sniffed, feeling tears start spilling out as he let a pitiful whimper escape his lungs, burying his head into their shirt before raising himself up so he sat into their lap, burying his head into their shoulder and starting to leave a wet patch there as he wailed, clutching to them tightly like a lifeline.

The other just quietly shushed them, mumbling small words of encouragement and counting to stroke their hair, gently cradling them and rocking them back and forth in a calming motion.

`` Hi-  hic-  Hinata-kun.. Hinata-kun.. ``

Komaeda whined, trying to calm himself down but failing as he only sobbed harder, finally feeling all that tension inside him snap.

`` It's alright Nagito, I'm right here.. I'll never leave you, got it?... I l-love you.. ``

He could feel his whole world stop. Somebody.. loved him? Somebody actually cared for him? somebody wouldn't actually leave him and make him regret ever being born?

Somebody.. somebody.. somebody..

Hinata-kun. 

Hajime Hinata loved him.

Hajime Hinata loved him. Hajime Hinata actually cared for him. Hajime Hinata wouldn't leave him.

Hajime Hinata  loved him.

Komaeda stifled his ugly crying, hugging the other close and mumbling small apologies as he felt a sluggish feeling of fatigue itch at him, urging him to fall asleep.

He quietly mumbled something, even his mind slipping it out as soon as it came before he lifted his head, looking up at Hajime with bleary eyes before a smile finally fell on his lips.

Hajime, for the first time since coming on this damn island, laughed.

Their lips connected, soft and careful, afraid to lose it the second they left the other's grasp. Komaeda quickly slipped away, mumbling something about being tired and resting his head into their chest, humming quietly at the feeling.

For once, Komaeda felt loved.

For once, Komaeda wasn't afraid of being Nagito.

For once, Nagito wasn't afraid to let go, knowing they will be there the next time he opened his eyes.

For once, Nagito looked out for another day. Another day spent with them on his side.

With Hajime on his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Sorry if the ending was weird jdndjlsl. well, nagito still dies in this au but it's fun to see him atleast have a small bit of hope, eh? :)


End file.
